I try to be real in all aspects of my life but I still think that what most people see is only part of the real me.
Most of the time people see the happy smiling version of me.
There are many times that my smile is just a surface smile. It is to cover up the inner turmoil or stress.
There are lots of times that I “fake” my happy – some days I can pull that off and end up truly being happy. Other days it is just a cover.
I have always been an overly independent person and for some reason I convinced myself that part of being independent meant never letting anyone think that I needed anything.
There are times that I feel very lonely and I think it is because I have spent so much of my life being the strong person who has everything together that I have put up walls.
Other than Chris (because I have told him), I don’t think that anyone who knows me realizes that there are many times that I appear happy but on the inside I’m the opposite of happy.
When someone asks me how I am I always say, “Fine.” Sometimes I want to say, “Well, actually, I could use some help” or “I need a hug” or “I have a great life but right now it doesn’t seem like things are great.”
But instead I just smile and carry on.
Do you have walls that keep people from knowing the true you?
Do you ever feel like you have to pretend to be happy?